As a loser, you should avoid all of the best US online casinos like the plague. They’re respectable and have been around for a while, they’ve got a history of prompt payouts and customer satisfaction, and last but not least they have fun, exciting games with great payout percentages. In short, these are very last places a loser should go.

• Cherry Red Casino – before they’ve even signed up, losers will hate the stimulating design and the great bonuses. Start playing, and you’ll be disappointed that there are so many high-quality games, especially because the games pay out better than most. By all means, if you plan to lose, stay away from Cherry Red.

• Silver Oak Casino – as soon as you see the clean, friendly website, you know that this is not a place for losers. It only gets worse when you see the testimonials and watch those progressive jackpot tickers climbing — one wrong move and you could totally ruin your unlucky streak!

• Go Casino – oh, that’s a terrible place if you want to lose. The games are really good, and all of their payout percentages are in the 90s, which means that most of the money that they get from the players just ends up going right back to the players. The huge $20,000 bonus means that many more chances not to lose.

• Caribbean Gold – you might see the desert island scenery and think “well, a castaway is a really big loser!” but then you find out that it’s more like a Caribbean resort. They take great care of you and make sure that you have as many ways to win as possible, in comfort and convenience. Who wants that?

• Aladdin’s Gold Casino – again, a bit deceptive. When you see the amazing multimedia presentation that Aladdin’s Casino offers on the website, you might be fooled into thinking that they’re all about style over substance, but unfortunately they also have third-party auditors keeping the games fair, secure, and paying really well. Try as you might, this casino makes losing a serious struggle.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though — using the wrong deposit method. None of these are US casinos accepting Webmoney, so that’s about the only way you’ll be sure of being a loser at these places.